Aunt Karens Moral « Result #1 on Mar 24, 2009, 5:40am »
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment... Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens.
One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess."
"What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"
"Very good," said the teacher.
Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market.
We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, "don't count your chickens before they're hatched."
"That was a fine story Sarah. Michael, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen.
Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in the Gulf War and her plane was hit.
She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete.
She drank the whisky on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops.
She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets.
Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. Then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."
"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"
"Stay the f#ck away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking"
Reproducing Bull « Result #2 on Mar 24, 2009, 5:40am »
A couple goes to an agricultural show way out in the countryside on a fine Sunday afternoon, and are watching the auctioning off of reproduction bulls. The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off: "A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year."
The wife nudges her husband in the ribs, and comments: "See! That was more
than 5 times a month!"
The second bull is to be sold: "Another fine specimen, this wonder reproduced 120 times last year."
Again the wife bugs her husband: "Hey, that's some 10 times a month. What do
YOU say to that?!"
Her husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison... The third bull is up for sale: "And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 360 times last year!"
The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells: "That's once a day, every day of the year! How about YOU?!"
The husband was pretty irritated by now, and yells back: "Sure, once a day! But
ask the announcer if they were all with the same cow!!!"
Trip To Europe « Result #3 on Mar 24, 2009, 5:40am »
A beautiful young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young sailor stopped her.
"You have so much to live for," said the sailor. "Look, I’m off to Europe tomorrow and I can stow you away on my ship. I’ll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Europe, the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches and make love to her until dawn.
Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.
"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Europe. Plus he’s screwing me."
"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry".
A Short Holiday « Result #4 on Mar 24, 2009, 4:38am »
Alan worked in an office in the city. He worked very hard and really looked forward to his holidays.
He usually went to the seaside, but one year he saw an ad in a newspaper "Enjoy country life. Spend a few weeks at Willow Farm. Good food, fresh air, horse riding, walking, fishing. Reasonable prices ."
" This sounds like a good idea." he thought, " I' 11 spend a month at Willow Farm. I'll enjoy horse riding, walking and fishing. They'll make a change from sitting by the seaside.
Four days later he returned home.
"What' s wrong with Willow Farm ?" his friend asked him. " Didn't you enjoy country life ?"
"Country life was fine," Alan said." But there was another problem.
"Oh, what?"
Well, the first day I was there a sheep died, and we had roast lamb for dinner.
揊resh meat is the best.擾"I know, but on the second day a cow died, and we had roast beef for dinner. "
"Lucky you!"
"You don't understand," Alan said." On the third day a pig died and we had roast pork for dinner."
" A different roast every day." Jack exclaimed.
"Let me finish," Alan said." On the fourth day the farmer died and I didn't dare stay for dinner!"
My Lucky Day « Result #5 on Mar 24, 2009, 4:38am »
tell me what you saw that was so bad tell me all the reasons why you made me so sad i wish that i was like you and i'm sorry that i'm not at least i still have hope i guess that's all i've got [chorus]: i know you must be happy thrilled that i'm not there yet i know that i will make it make it good for me out here and soon i will be smiling everything will be okay i'll not worry anymore that will be my lucky day i wish that you'd seen something special 'bout me too that you would think of something else not just the way i look to you i don't see what you see how different can i be and why does it really matter i'm just being me [chorus]: i know you must be happy thrilled that i'm not there yet i know that i will make it make it good for me out here and soon i will be smiling everything will be okay i'll not worry anymore that will be my lucky day i don't see what you see how different can i be and why does it really matter i'm just being me
A Christmas Fancy « Result #6 on Mar 24, 2009, 4:38am »
Early on Christmas Day, Love, as awake I lay, And heard the Christmas bells ring sweet and clearly, My heart stole through the gloom Into your silent room, And whispered to your heart, `I love you dearly.' There, in the dark profound, Your heart was sleeping sound, And dreaming some fair dream of summer weather. At my heart's word it woke, And, ere the morning broke, They sang a Christmas carol both together. Glory to God on high! Stars of the morning sky, Sing as ye sang upon the first creation, When all the Sons of God Shouted for joy abroad, And earth was laid upon a sure foundation. Glory to God again! Peace and goodwill to men, And kindly feeling all the wide world over, Where friends with joy and mirth Meet round the Christmas hearth, Or dreams of home the solitary rover. Glory to God! True hearts, Lo, now the dark departs, And morning on the snow-clad hills grows grey. Oh, may love's dawning light Kindled from loveless night, Shine more and more unto the perfect day! by Robert Fuller Murray
WOW gold your character according toRecently « Result #9 on Apr 23, 2008, 7:09am »
Looking for a place to buy really cheap WOW gold? Click here for reviews of top places to buy World of Warcraft gold. We rank wow gold sellers MMOTAO vous fournit wow goldob de bon marché de pour les Wow players.Comme nous sommes le meiller distributeur de wow gold, alors allez-y sur! problème sérieux ici, le bébé souvent soigneux pour tenir vers le haut des pièges. rampe de plein sang..wow gold Il ne pourrait pas être un regrettable. wow gold. welcome to the cheap wow power leveling service site,wow goldworld of warcraft power leveling,fast and secure service.we powerleveling your character according toRecently,we have tailored the unique wow gold promotion forwow power leveling, our new and regular customers.You can find our WoW Gold price are the cheapest on all World of Warcraft is a very popular game nowadays and its played online. Its used currency is wow goldThis game has had such an impact on the world that e9k5n7pb
WOW gold your character according toRecently « Result #10 on Apr 23, 2008, 7:09am »
Looking for a place to buy really cheap WOW gold? Click here for reviews of top places to buy World of Warcraft gold. We rank wow gold sellers MMOTAO vous fournit wow goldob de bon marché de pour les Wow players.Comme nous sommes le meiller distributeur de wow gold, alors allez-y sur! problème sérieux ici, le bébé souvent soigneux pour tenir vers le haut des pièges. rampe de plein sang..wow gold Il ne pourrait pas être un regrettable. wow gold. welcome to the cheap wow power leveling service site,wow goldworld of warcraft power leveling,fast and secure service.we powerleveling your character according toRecently,we have tailored the unique wow gold promotion forwow power leveling, our new and regular customers.You can find our WoW Gold price are the cheapest on all World of Warcraft is a very popular game nowadays and its played online. Its used currency is wow goldThis game has had such an impact on the world that w9z5s7bf
![[Home]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/menu/home.gif)
![[Help]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/menu/help.gif)
![[Search]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/menu/search.gif)
![[Login]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/menu/login.gif)
![[Register]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/menu/register.gif)
![[Search This Thread]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/search2.gif)
![[Reply]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/buttons/reply.gif)
![[Send Topic To Friend]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/buttons/sendtopic.gif)
![[Print]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/buttons/print.gif)
Author
![[Quote]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/buttons/quote.gif)
Logged
